How to be LESS of a HOT MESS in your 20s
Well, I can’t believe that in a little over two months I will be turning 30!
With that, you should know that my 20s were an absolute BEAUTIFUL hot mess.
And while I have learned everything I know through the “mess”, I would say it was not completely necessary to allow things to get messy in order to know better!
Looking back, I can easily pick out what would have directed my focus better if I put these three things to work sooner.
It may only be three tips that I am listing, but these are meant to bring a positive domino effect into other areas of your life.
With these three tips you will be able to stop and examine your life in it’s many facets and see where you need more clarity. You will understand how to prioritize and set proper boundaries in order to take the next step to reaching your goals!
Get clear on what you want!
The more you have clarity on the overall view of your life and the achievements you want to make, the more you will begin to visualize yourself living the life of your dreams.
Visualization is the first step to manifestation because once we can visualize what we want, we begin to feel as if it IS, allowing us to attract that energy back to ourselves.
I spent so much of my early 20s putting myself out there, but not being specific or aligned with my actions.
It was as if I just wanted to see what would come at me and I allowed things to happen for better or worse.
Maybe this was not a bad way to start, however, I can see now that if I had a clearer vision on WHAT I was going for I would have had a lot more confidence.
I also wouldn’t have spent unnecessary time on people/things that did not serve my vision.
Once we get clear on what we want, we are able to take aligned action towards more SPECIFIC goals and attract what we want faster.
I spent so much of my 20s saying ‘YES’ to absolutely everything thinking I had to do it ALL in order to be ‘important’.
NEWSFLASH: BEING BUSY DOES NOT MAKE YOU IMPORTANT.
Man, did I need to learn that in my 20s.
Being stressed for the sake of keeping busy did not get me closer to my goal.
Instead, it scattered my focus by allowing me to get distracted on things that did not matter.
I was so preoccupied with what I thought people thought of me, or what my peers were doing, that I prioritized staying “busy" as a way of seeming productive.
I eventually hit a breaking point...
In 2018 I had returned to NYC after an 8 month cruise contract.
I was so excited to be home, and desperate to pick my life back up immediately.
I knew I needed a job to get back on my feet so I could get back into auditions.
Within a few weeks of me returning home, I landed (what I thought was a dream side job) an opportunity to work as a fitness instructor.
I say "dream side job" because I love the fitness industry and spent a lot of time wanting an opportunity like this.
I dreamt that it would be a great way to give back, make money, while still allowing me to put my Acting career first.
Sure, maybe this can be possible, but I gave being an instructor everything.
Once I could prove to everyone that I could do it all, I could HAVE it all, right?
Unfortunately, I was wrong.
Giving 100% of myself to being an instructor not only stole my focus, but also my physical and mental energy from my LIFE GOAL of becoming a working Actress.
I wanted so badly to prove I could do it all, that I ended up giving 9 months of my life to a fitness studio that ended up going under.
It was during this time that my brother passed away...
**CUE BREAKING POINT.
My entire world flipped upside down and I didn't know how my real life was my reality.
Trauma changed my entire perception on who I was, my higher purpose and I had to re evaluate my priorities.
I had to make changes.
My family had to come first, and as I took time off to go home as much as possible, I began my healing process.
This was when I started to understand what really mattered, and it was then when I realized...
I had been working so hard to prove I could do it ALL that I ended up putting my Acting career in the backseat UNINTENTIONALLY!
I had STOPPED being an Actor.
Why was I giving a side job ALL of me when it wasn’t my true calling?
How did I lose my focus from my soulful path for so long?
I may never get those 9 months back, but it took me getting to the lowest point of my life to realize that my priorities were all out of whack.
So how do you prioritize your focus?
Get rid of the non-essentials.
The non-essentials are EVERYTHING that are getting in the way of you moving towards your goals.
Are you spending too much time binge watching Netflix?
Overextending yourself in extra work?
Stressed in a job that you hate?
Focusing on negative thoughts that are not serving you?
^These are non-essentials!
And with time, your priorities are bound to shift..
But as life happens, choose to focus on what is thriving.
This will inevitably move you forward to the next thing while staying aligned with your vision.
So next time someone asks you how you’re doing, stop saying “Oh, I’m so busy”.
Instead, think of how else you can express yourself and how your busyness is relevant to the other person.
Everyone is busy so it ultimately makes you seem scattered. I know from personal experience.
Also, not-so-fun fact: studies show that after hearing someone say "I've been so busy", all the other person hears is "what I am up to is more important than you."
It's about time we stop measuring importance by productivity.
3. Set Boundaries
Because I gave too much of my energy to people/things that ultimately wasted my time, I look back and realize how important it is to know your boundaries and to SET them.
I like to think of setting boundaries as making choices.
Setting boundaries means knowing when to say ‘no’ to things that do not serve you and knowing when to say ‘YES’ to things that support your growth and vision.
It is choosing a positive perception over a negative one.
It's taking control in what energy you allow into your life and the circles of people you choose to surround yourself with.
It's choosing self-love.
All of these choices ultimately create our reality.
Protect your energy and never forget your worth!
Your 20s are a discovery period.
It is a time to take risks, roll with the punches, and explore all facets of yourself!
But I hope these tips allow you to take control over where you are right now in your process.
I hope they help you get one step closer to stepping into your confidence and power.
And I hope they help you stand in your alignment stronger than ever, while having a clear vision of what is already yours.
Go get it!